hmmm..
v got drunk my pals n i..n they wer teln me that im not sincere enuf..
all of em were teln me that..it did quite freak me out..
it's my achilles heel, but so is it my blessing in disguise...was not serious about anything in life..
if that's wat u call this unbelieveably long, tedious drama.cud n bear to write my notebooks or get them corrected by teachers in school, used to get beaten up pretty bad by my bro n mom for that...
cud n bother to wear the rite uniform, for lack of a better reason, it jus dint make any sense
always looked at the sea-blue sky, the birds that flew into that land of freedom, always felt asilent scream go up in my heart wen i saw that..i din want to be here.. i wanted to be free..i wanted to sail thru the skies..happy, lite, n free..cud nt.
cud nt bother to get my instrument box rite or kerchiefs that soaked up extra ink from the pen,
what was wrong with being untidy, or as someone (many people) called me absent-minded...
i was on the wrong side - of who- of what- i cun' care
i was here..so i was doin things...if i had my way i wud n be doin these things..id fly away..!!!
people believe i am arrogant..or i think myself superior to every body else..i don't but i do these things b cos i really cudn see the idea, equation, or a logic of anything..t was sad..very sad..
white uniform, spotless white, good words from the teacher..equals happy, good student..
combed hair, self-righteous arrogance from a rule-obeying, hi-ly marked student..equals happy teacher...!!!
big car, lots of money , equals happy family..
happy..happy...happyness is not of this world..it is of the heart , of freedom and sunshine and warmth its made...
girls..they changed everything, they had bodies which cud make u happy, conetented, they were troubled as troubled as we were or more..and they passed on their troubles to us, but their bodies made us happy...or sometimes who they were without or thru their troubles made me happy..a wanderer if u may.a sad wanderer..
i have fallen in love with myself..with my far distant eyes, with my open gaping mouth and my perpetual expression of abandon, of nakedness to the soul, and of utter bewilderment..
unguarded i refuse to let my fort down to people who wud pillage it lest they enter it...or so i suspect. to be in love, to surrender is to lay ur fortress down to seige..i dared it.got gutted, torn down, and pillaged, do i have the courage to dare it again, not so quick, i m guarding it with a vengeance of fear..!!! that s wat it is...
no heart, sincerity..i am as sincere as a passing breeze- honest- to the moment
anything more..no..i guess not..i wander confused, in despair for my home, home, home,home.. ..
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5 comments:
The first part of the write up reminded me of Taare Zameen Par :)
Regarding the first part, you cant help coz that s you murali .No one can be you and you can be no one.Good Bad or Ugly are people s perceptions.Loving oneself is great but loving oneself without loving others !!!!!!! will it make sense?????????
who's not loving others...hehehehe..f u know most of my problems have arisen from loving others too deeply...wink...:)
sharing urself is a risk since u stand to be vulnerable to hurt as well..but its the only way to happiness i know..and rite now there are very very few people who i trust to be in there and make me happy...:)
Your deep love is only limited to physical love. You are not still matured enough to understand the value of true love.Even when you say sharing yourself you end up saying that you look only for people who will make you happy and whom you can use them ( dont know wheter u have done that)so that you end up being happy and other person end up being sad.Vulnerability do not happen in sharing but happens whenyou are dependant too much dependant on others , coz you end up being used for their whims and fancies and later that person or persons throw you off like a shit
well..that last comment luks a lil hard...i donno how mature u have to be for true love..but im a firm believer that maturity comes not with age but with experience..wink...and as for dependency...i do not believe in selfless, understanding love..!!!
i'd rather do charity..!!!
my kind of love is fierce, passionate,and unreasonable..and that's the way love should be..!!!
for me that's certainly the way ot shud be..!!! hehehe
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