the deja vu of ennui

what am i doing i do not know...
sleepwalkin thru life...

no meaning no purpose

pleasure even is a distant remembrance

pain or happiness is a plastic memory with soft shiny hollow edges

every day i convince myself I am something

every day i forget it

all i can feel is hunger but that too dims away like the sirens of factories..

ticking clock..wasting breaths..feeble heart..

passing now into the oblivion of sleep

slowly passing into the land of shadows,

silent, evil and a cold blanket for my warm worries

a little less talent asnd a little more bullshit will get me a long way...
boring world

About a girl

you know there is something that happens when u grow up in life..

all those you thought would be with you for a long long time to come would nt be there

and then something happens you meet people from far away, confused just like you are

trying hard day and night to figure out what went wrong with them just like you have been trying to solve your lil mystical puzzle ever since you were born

and then you befriend them first with no particular relevance, like you do anybody,
like you would do a stranger, cos you have no particular interest in what you are doing when you are getting introduced

and then times go by and it develops into a thick friendship, cos trust me,

somethings are not meant to be, its just the people who decide if something should or not be,

and in this case, I am talking about my pal devs or deviseeeeeeeee as i call her...

we met as strangers, and then we got used to each other as pals,

over the years I have fought with her and done some pretty awful things and she s still been there

cos if all the people in this world decided to leave me cos i was awful, where would i be

wtf would i do...i ben confused enuf to chase a lot of ppl away, actually ahppy abt that

that s where devis and i come in, we do to each other what dogs do to old folks before they kick the bucket

we r companions, intellectual, we r pals, we r booze buddies, we bitch shamelessly over the FUCKED UP NESS of the world....

she's known from the first day i think when i went wide eyed over one-of-the-best things in my life

she's played dumb just to be not hurting me or questioning about my feelings

things r a whole lot better when u have someone to talk to on a cold rainy day

and those days make a big part of your life...

there are days i wish she was there so that i don't have to kill myself,

cos somedays ur lonely and u miss someone and they are married to someone else, and then u have trees and walls to talk to

and they dont talk back..so it's pretty sad like that

its much better when you know u have someone you can fall back on, count on, trust , and be open with and you dont have to hide from

devis does that for me

i dont tell her the whole thing of everything, but she knows quite a bit of somethings

and thats evrything in this world to trust someone, it does nt have to be much more than that..

we fill each other's loneliness, and we know we'd be better off if the world did'nt suck

filling up lil spaces in each other's widely confusing lives

and that makes life worth looking forward to, because you have one friend to fall back on....

thanks devs for bein there, i no im an assol hhehehehe

i love you thanks for bein there for me...

my shoes when i was three or younger was the color of my blog;

i loved em, earliest memories, earliet likes, dislikes and crushes, wat weird world,

my teens ae gone, all teh girls i grew up with are married or mothers by now,
ev body that i cud relate to have left to read their separate paths;

ev thing breaks my heart..i hope at least she would stay..made meaning for ev thing i learnt in life..she was the voice, eyes and smile of my experiences and my loves....

bitch of time...she's gone now...

s a vampire's loneliness..fuck them al..mis her tho'..

Morning fuckers..!!!
phew hehehe always wanted to say that ehehehehehe...
anyways..i got a new year tale to say hehehe e was awesome..hehehehe

Happy New year to all mofuckers who r readin this shit

hehehehe
new year's nite
im put up in the comapny s hotel or smthin..
hehehehe
chik that i was supposed to be with was in homeland so cud nt make it..
i stumble out to forum..get into firangi paani..bot a ticket worth 3 g for the new years nite for a couple
now was going to down all that booze by myself

went there n danced with all the cuples with my glass n hand ..felt like a fag..but ya hehehe was awesome...

saw the prettiest chik dance wt her really big boyfriend..had a smile that made me weep..
hehehehe
anyways i was hugged and kissed gud nite by any or all of the following people..:\
1. The bartender
2. The Auto driver hehehehe
3. the cupla rowdy's on the road who were wishin ev one...

anyways i don remember wakin up feelin hurt betwen my legs so im hopin it was a short nite down there...
hehehe..wat a hope for a new year nite...
i think most of b lore was makin out that nite like july the 4th in the sky
fuckin bastards..
anyways..im gonna go stfu now...

mofuckers happy new year gota stand u shits hehehehehe

mye mye

totaal voetball....

Gentlemen and ladies totaal voetball..

mix it up and give it cold, sold out...

was it..is what we ask

few teams play it..all teams try it..most teams are confused

tactics and brain not required..space is all that counts

totaal voetball s the beauty of finding space with a white circular ball..

s a beautiful game, s the most beautiful game in the world...

when a man runs ahead of you into space..watch and play the ball into it...

pass and move into speace..the team revolves around the opposition..

like a cat around a mouse..play..and play the ball should'nt rest

but must find spaces of all sorts n the field..s beautiful..and then suddenly a ball

cutzs an artery in the defence , the ball moves into space, eye of the tiger, foot of an artist , skill of a hunter, the ball caresses the net,

revolving poem, play and be played by the ball and spaces like continents...

s liquid football..white and beautiful green..and yellow and oranje..

beautiful...

Anelka among other things

s like i have dual citizenjship..i sit here n think about the other world..my world where evrything is a passing color..and all little problems are dear to my heart..where i wonder about how my Nikolas Anelka is going to score against a perked up team in the champions league in my PS2..hehehe..that s how specific i can get !!1

and then there s my other world where im a fkn grown up..hahaha..old..greying..balding...walkin around streets eating chaats and hoping i fit in with the office crowd...

s weird is nt it....god knows what i am hoping to do now..pushin 26...but s just an age..just an age..fitting in ..guess i wud nt say

misfit hehehehe..i don know but must tell u

god knows what..

i love Nikolas Anelka..i guess i must say that so many goals..he is scoring for chelsea too..hehehe

u knwop as i write this and read this simultaneously there s a fear i am reading a freakin mixed up guy..and there s fear how he's gonna pull thru...

love..hmm..ya well..my girl's busy doin her things..hmmm..ina way a slighjt blood let..
but i ll get used to it
hmmm..
that road has been walked by me..times used to sleep there...

smokin, drinkin, boozin, and dopin, nothing helps a cured mind
nnothing helps..a cured mind.. now im even more confused than i was i guess..bye

pheww..he he